And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
