I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
