Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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