I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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