The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
