The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
