Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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