let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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