I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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