im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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