Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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