He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
