we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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