Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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