First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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