Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
