I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
