I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
