Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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