i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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