I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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