i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
