She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
