Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
