You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
