it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
