i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
