Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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