Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
