I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
