The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Found the puke drawer
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
