i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
