This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
