Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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