Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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