just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
