...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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