My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
