I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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