why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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