I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
