his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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