I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
