I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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