The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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