he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
