I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
