So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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