But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there was a trapeze. enough said
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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