I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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