guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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