so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
