don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
