We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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