We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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