I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
