I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
